Nostalgia 101

The easiest way to go back in time is to listen to the music you had on replay way back in the day.

For me, it has been searching up songs that make my heart feel all warm and relaxed and kicked-back and le siiiigh. I recently got the Samsung Chromebook, and it comes with a subscription to Google Play Music. I have a little over a month to play around with the subscription so of course I’ve been adding every song from my high school days to Sam Smith (might even throw in some ‘old school’ Justin Bieber…). I like mellow songs with good acoustics and some nice piano to serenade me to sleep.

Except for this one song that my memory could barely recall. I couldn’t pull it to the front, I couldn’t even remember the words – all I could remember was that at the end of the chorus there was one line that made my heart melt. You see, there was a boy I used to talk to and he shared a few songs with me; this one song in particular made me think in all my young naivety that he was trying to be subtle and send me a subliminal ‘I like you’ message. Obviously, I had to find this song, because I like to torture myself like that, bringing up old feelings of boy rejection (the worst kind of rejection).

If you know me, you know that I don’t like surprises and I always somehow manage to find what I’m looking for – even if it is days, weeks, months later. Tonight, it was only a couple of hours of searching (the internet and my memory) before I found it.

The song is added to my playlist and re-etched into my memory and currently on repeat for the foreseeable future.

I really liked him. I thought he liked me back, which fueled my feelings for him. But when reality hit me with a very clear ‘I don’t want to be with you’, my heart was broken and listening to this song that used to make me giddy is hurting my heart even after so many years later.

There is a silver lining.

These emotions only last as long as the song, because my heart is not broken anymore. It is whole and full and happy. I am loved and those old boy rejection feelings no longer apply to me. *phew*

I love you, boyfriend 😀 I am so lucky and blessed to have you love me and look at me the way that you do. You make me feel no ill-emotions. You are a positive in my life every day. There are no songs that remind me of you and make me sad. There are no places that I avoid because we had a bad memory there. There is nothing that pulls at my heartstrings and makes my eyes tear up in sadness. You make me happy; so, so, happy. Always.

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