Day 55

There was an accident on the highway while LG was on the way home, so it took him a little longer than usual to get back. Which meant that we were a bit late to dinner too. Oops.

The table was already set – the lazy susan was in place, the place mats were out, and the eating utensils were in the right spots. GJ (my aunt) had already counted out the bowls and plates and finished doing my grandfather’s medication. I did, however, recount and add a couple of bowls and put extra spoons for the dishes at the table. We had a whole bunch of people who couldn’t make it to dinner today: step-mother, younger sister, uncle’s girlfriend, and an aunt who occasionally joins us. Oh, M and L also had a chance to sit with us too, but they opted for their own kiddie table (and L fell asleep, so there’s that).

We had honey garlic (plus Dad’s made up marinade) chicken wings, a fish dish, YY’s made up cauliflower with mushrooms and mushroom soup sauce dish, stew beef, and sweet potato.

We’ve had a running joke with the stew beef and my uncle for a long time now…ever since he tried making the stew beef and burned it :O But that’s as much as I’ll say about that. We always say to guests visiting FND, “what happens at dinner, stays at dinner!” Although, there have been talks about setting up a video camera and posting our dinners online for the whole world to enjoy. I feel like we’d have a love/hate audience though :/ If my uncle ever reads this: if it makes you feel any better, the stew beef was salty today!

…still good though. And those dumplings. Yum.

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After dinner, we settled into our places – some watching TV, some at the table, some just floating (I’m usually quite the floater). Surprisingly, no one really went for any desserts today. M had some ice cream on a stick, but that was about it. Tonight, Dad and GJ sat with my sister to talk about her job interview tomorrow. But of course, after they dished out those wise words, they both got settled in to “I remember back in the day when I work at…” and then told stories for half an hour. LG sat with M and worked on mini blocks to try to build a ninja turtle (don’t ask me which one, I think it was a red or orange one). I played Candy Crush Jelly, and oh my goodness is that game ever frustrating.

I drove my sister home, but on the way there we did some talking. When I actually pulled into the driveway, she decided she wasn’t done talking to me and locked me in the car (not really, but she’s done it before! Locking me in the washroom with her to make me listen to her!). We did some more talking. The car got cold. The windows got foggy.

By the time she decided that she was done and wanted a shower and her bed, it was nearly midnight. I drove home and contemplated writing this post tomorrow, but as I lay there my mind was wrought with thoughts. I couldn’t even figure out what was going on in there, so I turned on my Chromebook and just started to write.

Without getting too much into her life, I don’t know what the right thing is to say to her. I feel like I’ve seen the place that she’s in for myself years ago, but the memory is so distant. I don’t remember things like she does. Memories get so buried with me, on purpose. I don’t let myself dwell or go back, and I think that’s why they’re so blurry. But my sister…she remembers everything, and she goes over it repeatedly, analyzing and finding solutions. It makes her so full. I think that’s why she’s so resolved with her decision. She thinks that she’s thought through it all, and there’s no other way. I hope I said the right things. I hope I didn’t make it worse.

LG likes to hug his people, which is something I don’t do with my family – not really. But since, I’ve gotten married and moved out, I hug my momma and even though my sister slightly cringes I hug her too. LG urges me to, because he really wants to hug her and love her and protect her. But she gets uncomfortable sometimes, so he always pushes me to hug her even more – for him.

We love you, J. Always.

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