This is a belated post, because [well] I’m married now and no longer planning a wedding. But it was a post that I wanted to write, that I didn’t have the strength to finish before.
My grandmother passed away in August 2014. It crushed me.
I know that mourning over death is something that is mostly selfish. The person whom you mourn is no longer in pain or suffering. You mourn for your own loss, your own selfish reasons. You mourn because you will miss that person every single day for the rest of your life.
I wanted her to see me married and have babies. I wanted her at dinners on Friday night. I wanted her to stay forever to be our family’s strength and glue. I wanted her and my grandfather to live forever together – the example of a loving marriage that I look up to.
But in our loss, I have seen strength in my grandfather grow – even in his weakest moments. But as he guided us in planning for our home and our marriage, I saw something vulnerable. He was teaching us from his experiences, from his own marriage. I saw in his eyes, the pain he had from remembering the hardships and triumphs he had with my grandmother. He wished nothing but triumph for us, but he knew that we would have to be willing to endure the hardships together…always together.
Losing my grandmother and learning from my grandfather were key (as well as other reasons) to why LG and I had the ceremony that we did.
We both wanted to find a way to include our grandparents – my grandfather and his paternal grandparents – in our wedding ceremony. Our parents would already be ‘highlighted’ in the processional. As you may know, we didn’t want to have a wedding party at all, no Maid of Honor and no Best Man (those are the ones who act as your witnesses). Our decision was to have our grandfather’s sign with us; his grandmother presented us our wedding bands.
I’d like to think that my grandfather was very happy to be part of our wedding and so much a part of our marriage that his name was signed on the forms! He even brought a special pen 🙂