***This is a TMI post with a lot of icky details; be warned!***
This week I went for another blood test, and my levels measured at 8000. My doctor prescribed misoprostol to help my body let go of the pregnancy since my body wasn’t doing it on its own. I wanted to wait until Friday night to start the medication, that way my husband could be home with me all day (also that way, I could make it to FND and hopefully make it to the church picnic on Sunday too).
I got home Thursday night, there was some blood on my underwear, but the doctor said to go ahead with the medication anyways – since it had taken my body that long to bleed that little bit, the misoprostol would help it along.
Friday night after dinner, I did some googling to see how long it would take to start bleeding. I was really worried that because my body had already kind of started to bleed it would happen quickly. I didn’t want to do it overnight and have blood pooling out of me while I slept.
LG and I decided to do it early morning, that way I could sleep a bit through the night and also there would be enough time in the day in case I needed the second dose.
After I took the misoprostol, things got a little jumbled up; but I took notes.
First dose Misoprostol at 4:30 am. First signs of blood around 6:45 am. There was no progress on the bleeding since then, so I took a second dose at 11:30 am. I slept a bit after that but a full pad woke me up at 2:45 pm. I called for LG to help me out of bed. It was a sticky situation; I knew any movement at all would just cause a blood-tastrophe.
(NOTE: I’m usually pretty easy-going about my period. It comes every month and it hurts me a little bit, but I don’t loathe it like some other women. Especially with my menstrual cup, everything is handled so much easier. But nothing about my past periods could have prepared me for this miscarriage.)
You hear that it is supposed be kind of like a really heavy period, but it was nothing like that for me. I sat on the toilet, and blood just flowed out of me. So weird. I couldn’t sit on the toilet anymore; LG set up the bathtub for me. He laid a towel on the back end and scrunched up a big blanket for me to lay on. I just laid in the tub and let my body empty itself.
Every so often, I could push a little and tissue would come out of me. I passed the sac at 3:45 pm. LG helped me to sit up to look at it. The pregnancy was really over at that point.
**I really want to post a picture of it here, but it isn’t really a happy sight**
Up until this point, I’d been feeling okay. After passing the sac, I thought the most of it was over (I was wrong); I tried standing up – not a good idea. LG had to get in the shower with me to hold me up and help me rinse off the blood. I was dizzy and light headed and felt like throwing up. I just wanted to lay down again.
He toweled me off, and I went from the tub to a mountain of blankets and towels on the ground. But the bleeding was still really bad. If I wasn’t laying down, I was dizzy and weak. LG boiled me some dumplings which I ate hesitantly – I was hungry, but my stomach felt weak. After two or three trips to the washroom to change my pad and leaking all over the carpet on the way, the last trip to the washroom kept me in there. I was sitting on the toilet, letting the blood flow out of me. I was dizzy and weak and as I took a breath, I threw up the dumplings into my hands (I think this was more from the dizziness and getting up right after I’d eaten than from any kind of nausea). This is when LG and I decided to just stay in the washroom.
I couldn’t get back in the tub because it was all wet from the shower I’d had earlier. LG put the bathmats together and set up my little blanket and towel nest. We watched Friends and I had gummy bears and Swedish berries. They seemed easy enough to eat.
But soon even laying down was exhausting, and the next time I got on the toilet to change my pad we saw another piece of tissue had passed. We were so confused. I thought it was just the sac…
I begged LG to let me back in the tub, but he was reluctant because I had less movement in there, and with the loss of all that blood he thought it was best if I was able to move around to let the blood circulate. I literally couldn’t even sit up on the toilet and getting up and down from the floor was awful, so he set the tub up for me again.
LG sat on the floor beside the tub to be with me. We put the laptop on the toilet and watched Friends while I was in and out of sleep. At some point, LG fashioned himself a little washroom nest. While I slept in the tub, he spent the night on the washroom floor, watching me sleep and holding my hand.
We’d both fallen asleep, but as he rolled into a more comfortable position, I felt a strong cramp and pushed a little bit. A long and thick piece of tissue came out of me. This had to be it, right? There was no more after that?
I don’t know what was going on in my mind, but I wanted to get up. I wanted to stretch my legs. I wanted to not be bleeding anymore. LG helped me up, but when I was standing I realized it was a big mistake. Immediately, I wanted to be laying back down again. I just remember crying to please help me down. My mind went somewhere else for a moment, I was dreaming something. I suddenly was very aware that my whole body was shaking and I wasn’t standing anymore. LG had his arms around me and I was crouched down in the tub.
I told him I’d blacked out, and he said that he knew. He had me sit on the side of the tub, and I didn’t like that at all. I wanted to lay down, but he kept rubbing my back and arms, trying to get the blood to circulate before he let me down again. He was so scared.
I spent the rest of the night in and out of sleep – mostly because sleeping in a tub is so uncomfortable, I think. LG stayed up to watch over me (his strongest feat, I’d say, for someone who never stays up through the night). He noticed that my bleeding had slowed and lessened over night, so he slept a couple more hours before I woke up.
I woke up exhausted still, but I wanted to get out of the tub. I wanted to go to the church picnic. He didn’t like that idea. To be fair, I was still wobbly on my feet, I was really weak, and the dizziness didn’t let up. But still, he showered me and helped me wash off all the blood. He toweled me off, dried my hair, and brushed it out.
It was safe for me to wear pads without spilling all over the place. I was finally back in bed after 20 long hours.
My mom and sister came over on their way to the picnic to hug and love me. Once they got to the picnic, they kept messaging to say that our friends that we’d invited were all there. I really wanted to go. LG kept trying to feed me crackers and get me to drink water. I had maybe a cracker and a half, and it was getting easier to drink water.
It felt good to be there. It was a beautiful day, and I felt good despite what we’d just gone through over night. I had some bbq and some noodles. I had some iced tea. But I decided to take a walk to the washroom. I made it there, I wasn’t wobbly on the toilet, and I made it back to my seat. But I think that walk unassisted did me in. All my energy was depleted once more, and I had to lay down on the blanket we’d brought.
We got home and I slept until evening.
My loving and supportive family is all prepared to help me help my body heal – special Chinese concoctions and my aunt is going to make ginger fried rice for me.
It’s over now.