Trying

I haven’t been keeping track about how far along I would have been. I know that my first pregnancy is over and has been over for a while now. I’m good for the most part, other than the whole second go at ttc which is driving me just as crazy as it did the first time (even though that only lasted two cycles).

I guess my point is I’m okay.

But (there’s always a but, right?) I’m still hurting every time I see or hear a pregnancy announcement; and at this point people are announcing babies coming May 2017. My baby was supposed to be here in January – less than 100 days from now. 

I thought I knew what to expect for 2017, but I don’t.

This is kind of like that time in me and LG’S relationship where I knew we were wanting to get married but I had no idea where we stood ring and proposal-wise. Unbeknownst to me, he had it all planned. He went to the jeweler. He had my ring made and paid for it. He kept it hidden for a month. I had no idea.

I guess now we have a plan in mind, and we know we are wanting to grow our family. Unbeknownst to us, God has it all planned out. His eyes see its unformed body even though we can’t. 

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my motherʼs womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” – Psalm 139:13‭-‬16

One day, in his time.

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