Day and Night

If my first experience with Misoprostol was an 8 (LG’s rating) on a scale of 1 to the worst thing ever, he would rate what happened yesterday as a 4. I’d agree.

It was like night and day. I felt much better as a whole during the whole thing. I didn’t have to take any Tylenol 3. I didn’t black out. There wasn’t as much blood. I was more alert.

I still stayed in the tub for the most part, just because it seemed so much easier – mess wise. LG sat by me the whole time. He set up his little nest beside the tub. He brought snacks and drinks (water and ginger ale). He got the laptop ready to keep us entertained.

My aunt whipped up the ginger fried rice that afternoon. Last time, he couldn’t leave my side for more than 5 minutes because I was so weak, but LG was able to go pick it up that way I could eat a little bit right away. (Also very different from last time because I wasn’t able to stomach anything that day)

I was still very light-headed when I stood up. I felt drained (no pun intended…), and my body was weak. But I was able to be back in bed by the evening and slept until nearly noon. All the while, LG cleaned up the washroom and put away the laundry and cleaned the kitchen from when he made the mashed potatoes for me and brought some fried rice upstairs for me when I woke up.

I still stayed in bed almost all day. I was able to read all of the messages people had sent me, full of love and support. I’ve realized that it may be true that miscarriages are common and infertility is a thing that so many people have to overcome but we still all have very different experiences; we might all have a baseline of where our thoughts and emotions and cries of heartache come from…but from there, everyone’s heart breaks a little differently. The most we can do is love each other, and hope for one another, and pray always.

Eventually, I ventured downstairs with LG’s help to sit with him for dinner, but that left me winded and dizzy and slightly sick to my stomach – maybe it’ll be better tomorrow.

I’m feeling okay. According to my notes from last time, I was still passing tissue and bleeding like a heavy period for a couple of days after. I think because my doctor told me that my body would naturally let it pass and I ended up waiting weeks before taking the actual medication, my body continued to think it was pregnant for over a month. From the first day of my last period to when I took the misoprostol back in July, it was 102 days. This time, it was only 67 days. That’s 35 extra days that my body was just culminating blood to try to grow a baby that just wasn’t growing anymore.

We’ll be okay.

A very informal but sincere thank you to everyone who has been reading my blog and following our journey and sending me messages and showing us love. It means a lot.

…but how sad is it that Facebook ads are now showing me things like “Need help paying for IVF”?

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