It is 2am, and I have just spent the last 20 minutes sobbing uncontrollably. I had to wake up my husband who has to get ready for work in about 2 hours so that he could comfort me.
It just happened so suddenly. I was watching the Mindy Project, literally lol-ing just a couple of episodes ago, and I just found my eyes starting to water. I paused and tried to compose myself a few times before I realized that I was sad.
I didn’t know. I thought I was okay. LG and I have been in good spirits, and my body has been feeling so good compared to what I was expecting. I didn’t
know realize how sad my heart is.
In retrospect, I know when the sad started to click.
One of my (not-so-baby-anymore) cousins posted one of the happiest little one year dating anniversary pictures I’ve seen in a while. Her boyfriend is really good to her and treats her so well; it kind of (a lot) reminds me of LG. I remember double tapping her post and thinking, “I hope they end up like us, happily ever after” (I know makes me sound so full of my relationship, but I know a good thing when I’ve got it).
But immediately after I thought it, I wanted to take it back. Maybe I just wanted us to go back to all those years ago, when we were just cheesy smiles and hugs and kisses and presents just because. Because now our life is not so rosy.
Our life is mortgage payments and having to fill our own fridge with groceries (otherwise there’s a stash of poptarts that we’d have to live off of). Our life is LG driving an hour each way to work long hours every day. It’s drama all the time with everyone. And more recently, it’s a lot of heartache. Heartache that makes me cry randomly while watching Mindy break a chair that she just sat on.
The whole time I was crying, all I could hear in my head were God’s promises; and when I opened my eyes, I was looking into my husband’s eyes and knew right away that we would be okay. I praise God for him. I am so thankful for my husband. I’m thankful that he is my forever partner, that we support each other and love each other, that we can be broken together and overcome that brokenness.
I think…as long as we have each other, we’ll always have our happily ever after.
Here’s to the brand new relationships, the what-next relationships, the newly forever relationships, and the we’ve-added-to relationships. May God continue to bless our relationships, at whatever stage we might be, with love and strength and his guidance in all things.