LG woke me up from a nap one day, and the first thing I said to him was that I am not waiting to have no baby. It’s been suggested to us that we wait a few months at least to heal and stuff before trying again. That would mean we wouldn’t have a baby until next year, and I wasn’t having any of that. None of it. I told myself, “in God’s time, sure, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try, right?”
LG and I have embarked on the study of couples in the Bible. Sometimes our studies are a bit dry and dragged out because of long days, but since we started looking into these couples we’ve had some good questions and good discussions. I think it’s because we’ve really set it in our minds that God has something to teach us through their lives together – not that there aren’t lessons in other studies, but during our ‘trials and tribulations’ of TTC we’re praying that we’ll learn something that speaks directly to our hearts.
But I’ve been avoiding this post.
We’ve kind of brushed over a few couples, planning to do that for all the couples and then going even deeper into them. When we got to Abraham and Sarah, I thought to myself, “this is it, this is where God is going to give me all the hope I need.” Instead, I closed my Bible, frustrated.
The Bible tells us in Genesis 11:30 that Sarah was barren and she had no children. How do we know that? Did Abraham know that when he married her? Did she know that? Is it something they talked about?
More than a decade later in Genesis 16:16, Sarah offers her servant to give Abraham children. Had they given up on trying? Did she make that offer because she felt like she had nothing else to give? Was he pressuring her? What was she feeling? Had they ever been pregnant before and lost them all or she just couldn’t get pregnant?
And then God promises them a son.
I feel like a lot of people study this part of the Bible and read patience because of Abraham and Sarah’s ages; but the part that stands out to me is that in terms of a married life and trying to conceive, they waited 25 years – nevermind that he was 100 years old…25 years.
We read through the passage over and over, and all I could think was, “could I wait 25 years? I don’t want to wait 25 years.”
The reality is that in March 2016 we decided to start trying. We’ve been pregnant twice since then. It’s been less than 12 months, really, and I’m already feeling so close to my wits’ end. What I wanted from our studies was to find out how they worked in their marriage to overcome the things we will inevitably come across. I wanted to know how Sarah handled her barren-ness. I wanted to know if she was feeling like I’ve been feeling. I wanted to know how many times they tried before she gave up and told him to take her servant instead.
I have none of those answers. All I know is that God promised them. He promised them a son.
So maybe Abraham and Sarah are not telling us to be patient and wait for a baby (what I was wanting to hear); maybe their story reminds us to be patient and trust in God’s plan for us.