You know how sometimes you decide to move forward, trusting not in yourself but in God’s strength and protection? But then you take that first little step, and Satan knocks you over right away. At that point you have to decide: give into temptation and stay down, letting him win; or stand up and try again, knowing that God will lift you up and be with you each step of the way.
Lately, it has taken every ounce of me to consciously decide every day to stand up in my faith, because I just so, so want to stay on the ground – I don’t want to keep getting knocked over.
I didn’t just take a tiny step, I leapt.
I made a decision (or two or three) that I’ve been avoiding for weeks now. It didn’t even feel good. I wasn’t even sure. But I grounded myself in faith that God would see me through. It was overwhelming. I called LG and cried to him a tiny bit.
We got through most of the evening when he got home, but just as we were cleaning up after dinner I saw a photo that tipped the scale. I tossed the phone aside, “Oh. My. Stars.” and flung myself dramatically on the floor. I just needed to not be upright, but the longer I tried to calm myself and breathe in and out…it just overtook me.
LG tried to pick me up off the floor, but I just started sobbing. He enveloped me in my arms and let me cry it out. When my sobs gradually turned into weeps, he picked me up and got me into the hot shower.
I really, really don’t want to get knocked over again.
But when it does happen again I will put myself at the feet of Jesus and bow before him in worship. I will praise him for never leaving my side, for his strength and protection, for his good will, and for his ultimate, loving sacrifice.
“The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.” – Psalm 156: 14